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> If you believe in God (and I do), then I would much prefer to be
> allowed to "shuffle off this mortal coil" amd be with God, then remain
> in a state where I am not aware of my own existance, cannot move
> purposefully, cannot affect my environment, cannot enjoy anything of
> what it is to be human. I would much rather go and meet my Maker at
> that point, answer for my sins (there have been a few over the years)
> and suffer what ever judgment is my lot.
>
> I love my wife. I love my daughter. The thought of missing the
> opportunity to see her grow up, to be happy and live her life is
> almost more than I can bear. What would hurt more, however, is for me
> to know that my wife and daughter come to visit me, are wounded by the
> terrible state I am in, that they hope against hope for my recovery,
> yet all the time, everything that made me who I am, that made me Jay
> Williams, that made my life uniquely human, is forever and irrevocably
> gone. I would hate for them to remember my face drawn and tight, the
> muscle tone gone, my eyes blank and staring, my frightening,
> purposeless, animal-sounding vocalizations, my reflexive and flailing
> movements. No. Let me go. Let them think of me fondly and remember
> me well. Let them remember my smile as I lifted my daughter in my
> arms every day when I came home from work. Let them remember me, not
> my empty shell. Let me go and let (as William Blackthorne wrote)
> "poor men bless me when I die". Let them wake me well with love and
> Irish whiskey (take that, Colin! <grin> ). Let us say "Good Bye" and
> hopefully my faith will have been well founded and I'll be able to
> watch the show while they live and hold them again after their long
> and happy lives are complete. If not and I am wrong and there is no
> heaven and no God, then I will have not lost anything by giving up
> lying in bed, unaware, unable to think or love, and only able to cause
> them years of sorrow.
>